(I Am) Recovering

May the Lord our God be with us as he was with our ancestors. May he not abandon us or leave us. 1 Kings 8:57

Photo by Madison Inouye on Pexels.com

I had an enlightenment yesterday, no, on Friday night: YOU CANNOT LOVE YOURSELF WHEN YOU DON’T LOVE GOD. I was like, woohoo 😳 that was deep. I realized I was crying 😭, not because I was in pain or something like that, just because that word crossed my mind when I was talking to God in my prayer 🙏🏾 related to my mother and other stuff!

People hurt people because they don’t love themselves, and most important things they don’t love God! That is a fact. They also never heal from what makes them bitter, jealous, envious, angry, etc. They don’t walk and work with God; they are with the Devil.

For my part, I was mad at God due to my mother’s death; I was devastated (Note: my mother passed away 14 years ago😅). However, I turn my back at this time on God. I rejected him. Point ☝🏾 blank.

All he ever did was love me, protect me as a father does! I didn’t realize where all of my strength came from to stand and pay the R.E.S.P.E.C.T AND HONOR to my late mother. The only one in my family who shaws me GENUINE LOVE no matter what.

I was in denial and grieved. I ignored the hands that raised me and allowed me to stay still and strong in front of those who came only to see how I would handle this hardship. So, yeah, I wrote what I wrote.

My mother attended her life and passed in the hospital due to a heart attack. She didn’t want to live anymore. That is why they came to the funeral gossiping about her in front of me.

I didn’t care so much; I focused on everything going as I said and planned for her farewell, and it did, period 🙏🏾🙂😊😎. People must realize everyone has their pain in front of their doors waiting to strike like a storm sooner or later, but that is not my concern. So let’s go back to Friday 1st April instead.

The tears started running to my face; I got down on my knees, releasing all those emotions that I had held in my heart for over 14 years. I didn’t share a tear for my mother’s death until Friday, 1st April 2022. I couldn’t do so even if I always felt the pain of her loss.

I wasn’t furious at her anymore. How could I, after all she’s been through in my family? I was mad at myself for not having enough power to save her. I didn’t allow myself to do so to grieve her properly.

Then boom, I couldn’t cry before because she’d not be here if I did. Yeah, I know she wasn’t here anymore. But still, you feel me, guys, 😅. I buried them like I buried too many things. God’s step in my heart and open this heart. I cry like I was born again 😂😂. Oh Lord, that was good! Thank you for that.

I talked to him like a son to his father; I sent out this negative burden, pain, etc. So I ask him to forgive my selfishness for not turning to him instead of hating him to take my ankles.

My ankles were him all along, not only my mother. He gives me love and protection; he is my real father no matter what. I had one alive in shape and form. He was just the vehicle God used to give me birth; that’s it!

For too long, I put my energy into things from the beginning ever in my young age; I knew that could not be changed! But you cannot force people to love you when they don’t even know how to love themselves and don’t love God.

I am recovering from all of my past trauma; I’m stepping into my true self. I’m at peace; it’s funny how everything becomes clear, like water, when you let go of some toxic behavior, toxic mindset, and toxic people 🤮.

They project their negativity in your life; if you don’t walk with God, you can’t approach me NOW. So they got mad 🤣, pretending I was the problem! Well, go ahead. I don’t care about what you wanna say 😎.

People talk on my back and expect what? Love. Please, be gone. I love myself enough to walk away 🥰.

I love myself the way I am every day. I ask God to guide me where I need to go, releasing people who don’t deserve my time, love, and money (the only reason, after all, they care about me😒 ). Anyway, rest in peace. 😁

I chose myself. I decided to walk by faith, not by a sigh. I’ve done the work, do yours far away from me. Learn how to love yourself too and treat people like you wanna be treated🙌 .

It’s not that difficult, but if you don’t love God, how can you possibly do that hum. 😂


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