Jealousy, Envy, and Villainy!

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had. Romans:15.5

I wouldn’t think of doing this to someone trying to develop their business. I’m surprised (hmm, I’m not) to tell you the meanness and ignorance, the jealousy, the envy of most people. Everything paid, actions, decisions have consequences. I have to say that strangely enough, instead of giving up, it gave me more might for carrying out my project, my baby, to the end.

Not this time, Satan. I will not give up on ME this time! I continue to believe in myself, my dreams, goals, abilities, and everything I think in. The universe sees and hears everything that is said and done. Be prepared! The retribution is on the way.

I don’t know what to write, think, or decide about my life. I have so many projects, so many desires in my head I don’t know where to start. But, I get rid of a job I don’t like and the debts that weigh me down – getting rid of everything that doesn’t make me happy. I have to pay rent every month in a country, a job I don’t like anymore. I tend to give up a job without a tomorrow, the problem now I’m not 20 anymore, and I want to act rightly even if, on the other side it’s not the case. I don’t care. I want to stay straight, respect my values, respect myself.

Where the bottom falls out, I lose my patience, and I have no desire to wait to find another job to leave the one I have now. I didn’t handle this well. I thought this job would be different from the others, but it turned out to be disappointing in many ways.
I know I have a job; many are looking for one, but now, working to pay bills no longer interests me. It never was!

I wouldn’t say I like every time I go there to pretend that everything is fine when it’s not. I find it harder and harder to play this role. I’m not a hypocrite; when I’m not too fond of it, you can feel it, see it, without having to do or say anything.

I’ve been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for a few weeks now. I wonder what is holding me back from just giving my notice and staying a while to define what I want to do in life. The fact is I already know what I want, what I need to do.

I need the training for THE JOB that I’ve always been interested in, by the way. Writing what I feel tonight makes me see that the only block I have is to do what will make me happy, not like a fool – not anymore, no, because I have all the elements, research, and so on in my possession since a while.

It’s time to make it happen. That’s it! It will require a sacrifice that I’m willing to make NOW to be independent in all areas of my life – saying goodbye to my limiting thoughts. My fear of changing! To become a better version of myself.

I cut ties with all that doesn’t serve my higher good. Saying goodbye to all bad habits, patterns, humans out first.

As I used to tell myself: only death has no solution.


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