I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8
Time challenges me to realize my dreams,
which I see getting further away
each day that passes on the other side of the shore.
I struggle to catch up with them without succeeding,
even if it’s only to touch one or two of them in passing.
What did I or did I not do?
The rhetorical question that runs through my head,
every morning at daybreak.
As the days go by, the doubt,
yes, doubt and despair invade me,
silently suffocating me in the middle of this crowd that is foreign to me.
It’s like having fallen into a frozen lake, frozen in the middle of winter
sinking while trying to come up and breathe on the surface,
drowning while trying not to die desperately.
What an irony! This breath of air burns my lungs instead of giving me life.
Instead, I feel like I’m shutting down every time I resurface,
trying not to die; I turn myself off like a ceiling light!
I come to want to let myself die,
to sink in this icy abyss of this lake that is life.
To allow me to pass in front of so much indifference, of incomprehension.
Without noise to go away as I lived until now without noise.
But it turns out that I cannot resign myself to finish this
alone, in the dark night, in the icy water like a complete stranger!
Making a place to the night and to the fear a slight glow.
The faint light illuminating the way and telling me that I am not alone,
not alone, that I have never been alone, and that after the storm,
the excellent weather follows, announcing a new beginning………
……… so keep the faith.