Not Anymore

The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously. Psalm 37:21

Today started as the sun rose in the sky, high. First, I had a good night’s sleep, a great wake-up call, a hot, fragrant coffee on my tongue. Then, once I got to work, it was like the universe was testing my ability to stay calm and focused.

I try to remain professional even when I have the opposite in front of me. We get paid to do a job; why not just do it.

The result of all of this was that I turned off my computer, not at all in a zen attitude, I admit, I ordered an Uber and went straight home. I choose not to get paid for a day; I choose to go home rather than pretend to work when I don’t work at all. I’m not going to pretend to work when I don’t feel like I’m working, nor do I feel like I have the tools to accomplish my task.

It is a waste of energy and time for me. I miss this attitude. When I came into the company, it was to do what you pay me to do, not pretend!

All of this makes me realize that I am not the same person anymore. I need to feel that I am in tune and that my practice values my company. I am not executing things like shit as a robot.

I was always afraid of not working because I had rent to pay every month, my bills, etc. Guess what, until the Lord calls me back to him, I’ll still have that shit to pay. So instead of letting a company use me and not my full potential and for less than I am worth and can accomplish, I am done.

I love the person I am today, but there is always room for growth. I owe it to myself, day in and day out, for me. I used to be afraid of losing, borderline, clinging to material things. Now I realize that instead of being fearful of losing, I am simply gaining, already in wisdom, but also long-term perspective.

I bet my abilities and faith that I was born for much more than that.


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